Friendship

I went to sleep, only to find out that I couldn't do so.
Strangely, this has been the case for the past few nights, no matter how tired I am.
旧的我哑口无言, 新的对我忽冷忽热.
The moment my head hits the pillow,
I'm bugged with this train of thoughts which seemed to be never ending.
还是很在乎你, 但已经不知要如何表示了.
The fear, of losing the friends around me, can be so damn overpowering sometimes.
It's insane, it's crazy, but it's tormenting me inside.
Yet, who can I confide in?
我会学着慢慢把你给忘记, 但我会永远记得你."
不在乎天长地久, 只在乎曾经拥有".

This quote alone, set me into thinking for a very long time. Though I refuse to believe in it initially, I've come to realise the meaning of it.
I'm always there when they needed me.
I've been asking myself, "How do I maintain a friendship?" "What is the right amount effort to put in?" "Will I be overdoing it?" "What if I scare them off?" "But what if I appear like I didn't care?" "Now how do I show that I really care?" These are of course blank questions without any answers.
For them, I always try my best and give my all.
Perhaps, friendships don't even have to last. It's good enough as long as you 曾经拥有. Only memories are made to last.Only memories can be 天长地久.

But no one is here when I need them.I hate to admit, but people really DO come and go. They enter your lives, and before you know it, they're gone. Sometimes, no matter the amount of effort you put in, once it ends, it ends. Sometimes, things are just so beyond our reach. I guess all these are parts and parcels of life, which I hate to learn, but i still have to learn.
心事, 又谁能了?
There's still so many things bottling up in me.
Even if it really ends, why does it have to be so fast?
-IaN Ignatius Lim